What I (Briefly) Think About When I Think About "Empircal Evidence" by Bryan Pedas and Brandon Meyers

Usually, my reviews of books and movies are longer than they really have any need to be, and I am in fact working on a longer review of the excellent book The Sensationally Absurd Life And Times Of Slim Dyson, by these same guys, but this story is actually a short one, so I can do a shorter review.

Lately, I have not been very into books.  The last two weeks I have started reading and then stopped reading at least four or five different books, including a volume of short stories, "Bad Doctor" by John Locke (hated -- HATED!-- the narrator and his stupid rambling voice within pages of beginning the book), something called The Financial Lives Of Poets that was sort of like Breaking Bad starring "Taco" from The League, and more.  I thought perhaps it was me, that I was going through a phase where I didn't feel much like reading.  But tonight I left in my car the one book that has been engaging me lately ("S" by J.J. Abrams, but it's a tough and sometimes annoying read) and I didn't feel like going through the multiple levels of security to get to my car in the garage and so while the boys were taking their baths and I was waiting for them to finish splashing water all over every surface in the bathroom, I got out my Kindle, sat in the hall, and opened up "Empirical Evidence", from the guys who write the blog A Beer For The Shower.

"Come on guys, don't let me down," I thought to myself, and THEY DID NOT.

"Empirical Evidence" is deserving of one of the highest compliments I can give a story: I was disappointed to see it end.  About 3/4 of the way through it I checked to see how much I had left to read and saw that I was 3/4 of the way through it and panicked a little, because the story was so great.

The Beer For The Shower guys I already knew are great writers.  Their blog is hilarious and the Slim Dyson book was really good, but in this story they showed a whole different level of skill.

The story itself is a good one; told from the perspective of a press-flack for an Emperor, it drops the reader into some sort of autocratic city-state that is slowly crushing the rebels in a war.  The opening pages, which do nothing more than set up the premise and relay information to people, are well-written enough that it doesn't register as an information dump, and it was while I was reading the beginning of this story that I realized it wasn't me that was the problem recently but the books that I'd been trying to read: they were poorly written, either because the stories themselves were stupid (that Financial Poets thing) or because the writing itself was pedestrian (isn't John Locke supposed to be a big deal? I bet 99% of his sales are just because of the cover art. Which was, admittedly, a big part of why I downloaded it.)

Anyway, my point is that in the first couple pages of this story, Pedas and Meyers have to set up a whole world, and they do that with writing that actually made me want to keep reading.  Part of it is the way they kept sort of hinting at how terrible this world is, and the idea that something big is going to happen, but the other part of it is just skillful writing that made me want to find out what happens to this flunkie.

It isn't until a bit into the story that the first event really happens: the main character, "Baron" is entering the palace and confronts a beautiful rebel he suspects is lurking there to kill the emperor, and at that point the story just takes off.  Already a pretty good story, it becomes a page-turner from there and saying more would spoil the impact of it.

I got to the end of the story pretty quickly, and the second-highest compliment I could pay a story is this: I couldn't wait to tell someone else to go read it. In fact, I'd have posted this review earlier except that I had to clean up the bathroom and then our youngest was using the computer to watch the Archer episode where they go into space, and while there are those who would say you shouldn't let an 8-year-old watch Archer, to them I say... I digress.  Go read Empirical Evidence by Brandon Meyers and Bryan Pedas.

CLICK HERE TO FIND THE BOOK ON AMAZON.

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE 'A BEER FOR THE SHOWER' WEBSITE.

Some Thoughts on Pre-Orders and Templates

My next book, Seasons' Beginnings, will be published as an e-book next week on 10/21. (Hopefully I can approve the print version this week.) Every time I put a new book out, I like to try something different to see what works for this book. Plus, the field of self-publishing is constantly changing, so there's always something new to try. This time around, there were two new developments I didn't have when Twinned Universes came out: Amazon pre-orders and two-way templates.

When Amazon annouced indies could do pre-orders this summer, it was the perfect timing for Seasons' Beginnings. I had just finished my own revisions and was ready for my beta readers. So I estimated how long I would need to get feedback from my beta readers, make revisions, update the front and back matter, proofread, and do everything else I needed to do before publishing the book. I gave myself over two months, and I needed the full time. Amazon started sending me warning e-mails about a week before the deadline (ten days before publication date), and I didn't get the final version ready until last Thursday, the day before it was due. (I even found a few things to change after that, but apparently you can upload new final versions of the book during the ten-day waiting period without any problems.) It was a bit stressful, but having the due date forced me to focus on this job instead of another project. The Amazon page for the book went live as soon as I scheduled the pre-order, so that gave me a couple of extra months to link to and promote the book. And now that all the hard work is done, I can focus on marketing and planning a book tour. I didn't expect a lot of pre-orders for a new book in a new series by an obscure authors, but I have received a few. It's a very gratifying and humbling feeling; I hope the readers find my book worth it.

Something that helped me stay on schedule was using a two-way template for the eBook and the paper book. I bought it from Book Designer Templates; this is the specific template I chose. You can buy either a single-use license or a multiple-book license; I bought a multiple-book license so the entire series will have a consistent look. It was fairly easy to use; all I had to do was copy-and-paste my book into the template and insert section breaks as appropriate. I did have a few issues with the section breaks, but I think that was because I chose the wrong type of break. Front matter comes pre-formatted; I had to add my own back matter. The template takes care of hyphenation. I normally don't use chapter titles, but I did with this template since they were built-in. (They were handy later on for the Table of Contents.) While I still had some issues with formatting the print book (which is always the hardest, most time-consuming part of publishing for me), the problems were restricted to things such as section breaks and the Table of Contents. I didn't have to worry about the headers, which were always a pain for me. I would definitely recommend these templates for any author who wants to publish from Word.

Do you have any questions about pre-orders or templates? Please let me know in the comment section.

You Won't Believe What This Writer Wants Her Followers To Do...

A few weeks back I mentioned the picture prompt writing contest that Tamela J. Ritter was running on her blog; submissions for that closed with some very good very short stories submitted (read them here).

While Tamela hasn't announced the winner yet (*FINGERS CROSSED FOR MY POST-APOCALYPTIC LOVE STORY ABOUT THE FROZEN GIRL...*) there's another one of these going on, at Porscha Coleman's blog (on Porscha Coleman.com).

Porscha says she is a writer, poet, and occasional radio show host.  She's posted the picture prompt and welcomes your submission (including poetry, if you are so inclined) until October 31.  Check it out.  These things are fun, and trying to write from a prompt is a good way to challenge yourself and stretch your limits.

Here's the picture she's using.

And you'd click here to go leave your story.

And don't forget to pick up The HORROR Issue of our magazine to see the flash fiction horror stories that scared the IWM writers enough to put them in that issue.

The HORROR Issue of IWM is on the stands.

Just in time for Halloween -- okay, about 24 days early but you can start getting in the spirit of things -- comes The Horror Issue of IWM, featuring:

-- The 10 Dos and 500 Dont's of Writing A Good Horror Story (hint: MAKE IT SCARY)(<< that is a free tip, right there!)

-- Three editing tips you have to learn BEFORE THAT GUY BEHIND YOU GRABS YOU.  (Made you look)

-- Interview with horror author Elizabeth Fields who is GETTING A MOVIE MADE OF HER BOOK, probably starring Tom Cruise we can claim without any factual basis for that claim whatsoever.

And the winners of our 200-word flash fiction contest!

PLUS more! MORE MORE MORE THERE IS ALWAYS MORE.

AND, it is free from October 8 to October 12.  But don't wait to get your copy; what if the Internet breaks and you miss out? Go download it now.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE HORROR ISSUE ON AMAZON.

Exploring Personality: Part Four -- "Let Me Give You a Hand"

When you give..., do not announce it with trumpets...to be honored by others. When you give do not [even] let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. -- Matthew 6:2-3 (paraphrased)

Preface: Enneagram types 2, 3, and 4 make up the emotional triad of the enneagram chart. These three types both act on and react to the world based on how they feel. Decisions are emotion-based and relationships are of primary importance. These three types also tend to be preoccupied with success and status or success as in how it relates to status. These are the romantic, love-is-all-you-need people.

The Helper

Have you ever known one of those people who wants to help with everything, even when you don't want help. They might do things for you (for your own good) that you don't want done or do everything because that's just the kind of people they are. Usually, they'll let you know about it, too. "So-and-so couldn't survive without me; I do everything for him." They like to help, and they like for everyone to know about it. Helping is what type 2 is all about.

The type 2, known as The Helper or The Giver, derives his sense of self worth from what he is doing for those around him. It legitimately makes her feel good to do for others. The Helper is that person who remembers everyone's birthdays and makes sure that a card goes around for everyone to sign. The Helper is that person who volunteers for every committee and helps out with every activity. The Helper is involved. And the Helper is also a flatterer, giving strokes and affirmations to others (with the hopes of getting those things in return).

The problem, though, is that these activities are seldom completely altruistic in nature. In return for all of the "help" the type two is doing, she needs to be acknowledged and affirmed. Patted on the back, for instance. He needs to feel appreciated. However, this need for acknowledgement runs counter to doing the things he does selflessly, so the Helper buries his need for approval, usually under a layer of pride in how "helpful" he is. Or, maybe, in making you feel guilty for your lack of appreciation. [That's your mother, right? "I work my fingers to the bone, and do you ever say even a thank you? You do not. You should be ashamed of yourself."]

Because twos derive so much of their worth from helping and doing for others, they can forget that they have needs of their own, especially if they don't feel like they are receiving the appreciation they deserve for all of the hard work that they do. And how can they? That they need to feel appreciated has to remain unspoken. In public life, this can lead to burnout (often of the crash-and-burn variety) and the sudden withdrawal from all the activities the Helper had been involved in. Of course, sometimes, this creates just the correct type of drama to cause people to heap praise upon the two -- "Oh, we didn't realize how much you did! We need you so much!" -- and draw the Helper back in all martyred and everything.

In personal life, or sometimes in public, unfulfilled twos can become manipulative and bossy, demanding compensation for all of the things they've done. They feel totally justified in their behaviors because they've earned the right to demand things because of their past efforts.

Now, glance back up at the chart and see that the arrow from the 2 to the 8 says "stress" on the 8 side. When the two, who is normally cheerful and helpful and "selfless," takes on too much "helping" or is feeling under-appreciated, she becomes stressed, and the stress is what leads to the manipulation and demands.

So let's look at some environments:

Let's say you have a Helper who works in a healthy, cooperative environment. The Helper is very involved at work, volunteering for committees, cooking treats for the rest of the office, planning events. Whatever needs to be done, really, because at work she feels appreciated and the other staff express how much she means to them on a regular basis and may even do special things for her occasionally, like thank you cards. She feels needed, maybe even loved, which is at the center of a two's emotional needs.

But, then, she goes home to a husband who doesn't appreciate her and never shows gratitude. At home, she is a nag, demanding that he does things for her and withholding favors (of whatever sort) until he does what she wants. She may make sure she is away from home in the evenings (doing things for other people or groups) so that he has to fend for himself for dinner.

Dropping by her office unexpectedly, he would be surprised at how pleasant and good-natured she is. He would astounded that she was doing things for other people of her own accord without asking for anything in return. She would be someone he didn't know, could barely recognize.

If you look at the other arrow, the one that goes to "growth" (also known as "security"), you see the two who gives selflessly. For real. The two is in a place of comfort and warmth and knows that she is valued. This could be the two in the above example in her workplace environment. When a two knows that he is loved regardless of what he is doing for other people, it allows him to give freely without the unacknowledged expectation that others will show their appreciation in return.

Hopefully, you can see the range of behaviors in just this one personality type. We'll break it down into three groups: unhealthy, average, and healthy.

Unhealthy twos (either in general or in specific relationships) are bitter, resentful, and manipulative. If they are not going to be appreciated, they will just take what they need instead. Or try to. This is stereotypical attention-seeking behavior even to the point of substance and food abuse so as to get people to show concern or give them sympathy.

Average twos gives only with the hope of getting in return. They have an over-inflated sense of their own importance and make sure to point out to others just how important that is.

Healthy twos have come to a point where they understand that they have value in their own right and do not need others to validate them. They can become truly altruistic and humble, giving without any thought of receiving anything in return.

Culturally, we have made "the mother" the stereotypical image of The Helper, but there's much more to the two than just being "mom." There's a whole range of available behaviors and situations in which to bring out those behaviors.

Oh, it should be noted: Helpers are generally extroverts but, then, most people are extroverts, so I don't know if that's saying anything extraordinary. The important thing to remember is that a two can also be an introvert, which will, of course, affect the ways in which he goes about helping people.

Three Years of Indie

Sunday was the third birthday of Lyon's Legacy, which was the first story I self-published. So this weeks marks my third anniversary of going indie. Since then, I've published several short stories, both on my own and as part of Indie Writers Monthly, and a full-length novel. My next novel will come out later this month. I'm not the most prolific of writers, but hopefully as I become more comfortable with indie publishing I can get stories out faster. A lot of it depends on how much time I can devote to writing and publishing.

I knew when I started self-publishing that it would take a while to get established, and that's certainly the case. I've experimented with different ways of promoting my books, but it's hard to find something that works consistently. It's humbling too that there are so many other indie writers out there. But at the same time self-publishing seems to have become more accepted, and the quality of the work I'm reading from other indie authors has increased. I enjoy the camaraderie we indie authors share. Most of them are friendly and helpful. And of course, it's always thrilling to get the proof copy of your latest work or see a promotion make your sales shoot up.

If you haven't read Lyon's Legacy yet, feel free to give it a try; it's permafree. Help me celebrate its third birthday. Here's to many more years of writing and self-publishing. Now if you'll excuse me, I have about a hundred pages to proofread before Saturday, so I'd better get back to Seasons' Beginnings.

Pro Tips From Adult World

One night while on my recent travels I happened to catch this movie called Adult World on Showtime--or Showtime 2.  It's about a goody-goody uptight would-be poet named Amy, played by Emma Roberts, who's that Emma who's not Emma Stone or Emma Watson.  She spends most of her time and money entering contests and awards and not really getting anywhere.  Finally her parents get tired of funding her efforts and so she gets a job at the local adult video store called Adult World.  The name of the store and movie has a double meaning in that while working there she learns about becoming an adult.

Here are some lessons to take away from it:

1.  You're Probably Not Special:  Most of the movie Amy thinks she's bound to become a famous poet any day now.  Many of her illusions are shattered when one of her poems ends up in an anthology called Shit Poetry, ie poetry that's so bad it's good.  The lesson being that she's not as good as she thinks--and neither are you.

2.  Don't Be Afraid to Sell Out:  Amy's first real publication credit is in a French pornographic magazine.  She writes an erotica story for a contest while drunk one night.  I didn't have to get drunk to stoop to writing erotica stories.  Like the characters who work at Adult World, I've found that it can be pretty lucrative to be in that business.  So hey, why not sell out?

3.  Choose Your Mentor Wisely:  Besides working at Adult World, Amy also bullies her way into becoming the personal assistant to a has-been poet with the unlikely real name of Richard Simmons, played by John Cusack.  She's idolized him for years, but eventually realizes--after he puts her poem in Shit Poetry--that at this point he's a bitter jerk.  This, incidentally is why I never really wanted to meet my literary hero John Irving.  I even wrote a short story about it called Spring in the Land of Broken Dreams, which is part of my collection The Carnival Papers. (Remember what I said about selling out?)

4.  Dumb Luck is Better Than None At All:  I already mentioned how Amy gets her first real publication credit.  But also her best friend, who hasn't much experience writing poetry, gets her poem published on the first try--in a reputable publication no less.  So while you probably aren't special (see #1) still, you should probably at least try once or twice, because you might luck into something good.

Anyway, overall I enjoyed the movie as a coming-of-age story with some tidbits of wisdom for writers of all sort, not just poets.  I'm not sure if it's on Netflix or any of those.  If you have Showtime, it might show up there a few more times as they seem to show the same half-dozen movies over and over again.